Finally, taking a step of faith
I have been seeing a change in my life,
Not in the way I thought, when the word change would be tossed around in my life.
It's not anything like, I finally have my dream house or dream job, or some great news to share with you all, like I was proposed to! or anything of that sort. I mean eventually I hope to share some good news of that sort with you, and my beloved friends and family. There is greater news though !, yes there is. Jesus died on the cross for you and me, and a lot of the time whenever I'm doing something, not just with this blog for example or I'm out with friends, It's always been something I sit down and think about, especially when I am going through a season of trials, oh boy are those really the days in which I meditate on the word. Jesus died on the cross for me?, the girl who was born into this world with such blindness in life, no direction, no good role models, took lead from anyone, trusted anyone, and even after all the bad things I've done and he knew I would do these things, still died for me?.
It's a literal bomb, that doesn't kill you, but it does make your heart break.
I never had someone in my life tell me that they loved me and stay, never had someone in my life ever say they loved me and show it with their actions. So now this man named Jesus who was Holy and just lived a better human life than I ever did in my-still-life-ahead-of-me-age could ever!, more like could never.
I don't know about any one else but I sure think about it a lot. Whenever I say no to something just because of how I felt in that moment, I come to regret it in the end. So what I'm sharing with you today is something I felt to always say no to, I mean this blog I've wanted to start for years but I never did because I didn't feel like it was a good idea, I also didn't like the idea of sharing things with people who also might not like me and will just be reading because they want to see how bad my grammar is!, like geez imagine that !
I've sat and thought out loud, " God I don't want to say no anymore, I don't want to be selfish and hide"
Can you imagine if Jesus always hid himself, and constantly said no to the things that God told him, that he would change everything ?!
Remember what I said in the beginning ?, about that word change, it's just not something we all get excited about, sometimes, it depends on you.
Well when I sat to think about that, then Jesus would've never died on the cross for you and I. No one would've even known he had existed. No one would have seen miracles. Or the power of God and his love for everyone.
So I really believe that testimonies are live miracles we can see in our generation on how much God loves us ! and how real he is.
when I was in middle school, eighth grade to be exact, I used to harm myself.
I was having suicidal thoughts. Every chance I got to be alone it was all I could think about. Not wanting to be here anymore. It would become a constant thing, my friends and I one time even had a sleepover and all of them began to share with me that they would harm themselves too. I couldn't believe that they would too, I truly thought they had no reason to do that. Eventually I asked myself why I did it?,
One day, my mom saw my arm and the burn was becoming infected and she got mad at me, or at least I was sure of it.
That night, I sat in the bathroom and really wanted to take my life, I imagined how it would be done, I heard this voice interrupt my thoughts, "stop, stop, don't do it", so I got up and walked out of the bathroom.
Everyday it became extremely hard to even want to live.
Even so I kept going. With the little strength I had in me.
About a year later, my mom sent my siblings out to live with our dad, I remember getting on that bus and seeing my mother begin to cry.
I felt like my heart broke into pieces. I stopped harming myself, I began to hear this loud voice in my head to keep going, and you'll see.
I felt compelled to listen to it. So I lived everyday without allowing myself to be alone.
When God saved me, I was really at my lowest. My heart was like literal applesauce almost, it's such a weird analogy but listen, I didn't become angry, I became depressed. It was always an "oh well' thought, if something didn't turn out right I wasn't willing to fight for it, or get angry. It was "Oh well", It doesn't matter anyway, I wasn't going to get there anyway.
These thoughts clouded my ability to really see.
So when God saved me, I could see, a man named Jesus that died on the cross for me, who didn't know me but he loved me anyway.
See when you truly give your life to Christ, he sets you free, indeed you are free.
I remember reading John 8:31 Jesus said to those Jews who believed in him, "When you continue to embrace all that I teach, you prove that you are my true followers, for if you embrace the truth, it will release true freedom into your lives." TPT
When I believed that Jesus died on the cross for me. My chains were broken, my life was transformed and change took place. I know during that time I was really rejoicing in that change for the first time. Even now sometimes I do get excited about change and sometimes I still have those moments where I don't like the idea. Let's be real could I really stop God from doing what he wants in my life?, "heck no!" and neither can you.
I'm sharing this because When I said yes to God, I was saying yes to being free, and yes to living in that freedom, and I also want that for you!
When I started this blog, it wasn't for me or to talk about myself. It's to share with you all how great God is and how he was the one who made it possible for me to be here today to share this with you. I pray that this can be of help to you, it doesn't matter what your situation looks like, know that God is with you, and he loves you!
I remembered this time of my desperate need, God saw me.
He asked me if I believed, and I said yes, taking that final step of faith was hard, it wasn't easy but the outcome was life changing. I believe that for you too. I remember a pastor once saying
God wants it for you, but you have to want it for yourself, because God wanting it for you won't do it.
So I encourage you to want to be free just as badly as God wants to set you free.
I don't know about any one else but I sure think about it a lot. Whenever I say no to something just because of how I felt in that moment, I come to regret it in the end. So what I'm sharing with you today is something I felt to always say no to, I mean this blog I've wanted to start for years but I never did because I didn't feel like it was a good idea, I also didn't like the idea of sharing things with people who also might not like me and will just be reading because they want to see how bad my grammar is!, like geez imagine that !
I've sat and thought out loud, " God I don't want to say no anymore, I don't want to be selfish and hide"
Can you imagine if Jesus always hid himself, and constantly said no to the things that God told him, that he would change everything ?!
Remember what I said in the beginning ?, about that word change, it's just not something we all get excited about, sometimes, it depends on you.
Well when I sat to think about that, then Jesus would've never died on the cross for you and I. No one would've even known he had existed. No one would have seen miracles. Or the power of God and his love for everyone.
So I really believe that testimonies are live miracles we can see in our generation on how much God loves us ! and how real he is.
when I was in middle school, eighth grade to be exact, I used to harm myself.
I was having suicidal thoughts. Every chance I got to be alone it was all I could think about. Not wanting to be here anymore. It would become a constant thing, my friends and I one time even had a sleepover and all of them began to share with me that they would harm themselves too. I couldn't believe that they would too, I truly thought they had no reason to do that. Eventually I asked myself why I did it?,
One day, my mom saw my arm and the burn was becoming infected and she got mad at me, or at least I was sure of it.
That night, I sat in the bathroom and really wanted to take my life, I imagined how it would be done, I heard this voice interrupt my thoughts, "stop, stop, don't do it", so I got up and walked out of the bathroom.
Everyday it became extremely hard to even want to live.
Even so I kept going. With the little strength I had in me.
About a year later, my mom sent my siblings out to live with our dad, I remember getting on that bus and seeing my mother begin to cry.
I felt like my heart broke into pieces. I stopped harming myself, I began to hear this loud voice in my head to keep going, and you'll see.
I felt compelled to listen to it. So I lived everyday without allowing myself to be alone.
When God saved me, I was really at my lowest. My heart was like literal applesauce almost, it's such a weird analogy but listen, I didn't become angry, I became depressed. It was always an "oh well' thought, if something didn't turn out right I wasn't willing to fight for it, or get angry. It was "Oh well", It doesn't matter anyway, I wasn't going to get there anyway.
These thoughts clouded my ability to really see.
So when God saved me, I could see, a man named Jesus that died on the cross for me, who didn't know me but he loved me anyway.
See when you truly give your life to Christ, he sets you free, indeed you are free.
I remember reading John 8:31 Jesus said to those Jews who believed in him, "When you continue to embrace all that I teach, you prove that you are my true followers, for if you embrace the truth, it will release true freedom into your lives." TPT
When I believed that Jesus died on the cross for me. My chains were broken, my life was transformed and change took place. I know during that time I was really rejoicing in that change for the first time. Even now sometimes I do get excited about change and sometimes I still have those moments where I don't like the idea. Let's be real could I really stop God from doing what he wants in my life?, "heck no!" and neither can you.
I'm sharing this because When I said yes to God, I was saying yes to being free, and yes to living in that freedom, and I also want that for you!
When I started this blog, it wasn't for me or to talk about myself. It's to share with you all how great God is and how he was the one who made it possible for me to be here today to share this with you. I pray that this can be of help to you, it doesn't matter what your situation looks like, know that God is with you, and he loves you!
I remembered this time of my desperate need, God saw me.
He asked me if I believed, and I said yes, taking that final step of faith was hard, it wasn't easy but the outcome was life changing. I believe that for you too. I remember a pastor once saying
God wants it for you, but you have to want it for yourself, because God wanting it for you won't do it.
So I encourage you to want to be free just as badly as God wants to set you free.
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